Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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