It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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