your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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