Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
