Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
