frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
