I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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