One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
