I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Im part way to drunk.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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