we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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