There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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