Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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