In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
tell your sister to shave her snatch
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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