Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
