So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
