Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
