Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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