Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
