just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
