You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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