I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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