I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
