I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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