So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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