You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
