Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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