Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
