I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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