I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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