forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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