Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
