You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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