So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
