Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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