her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
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