these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
