Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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