How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
