whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
