Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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