I didn't shave. On purpose
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
