69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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