how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
