I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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