You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
