When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
