I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
