wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
