Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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