I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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