Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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