it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
