dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
