Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
