Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
