You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Shitshow foam night was such a success
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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