mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
