When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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