I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
