i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
