If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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