dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
