is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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