i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
