So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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