Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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