I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm home, then i'll come over
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?