every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
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the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He better not be in your backpack
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Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again