Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.