im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.