Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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