Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sobbing to NWA
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
