is your mom at the bar?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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