It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
