I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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