I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
